Misty

I'm not exactly sure where or how to start. I have only shared my testimony with a select few people. I am praying that after reading this that it may help at least one person that reads it. It's long and I'm sorry, I shortened it as much as I could.
So, here goes...
I was 19 when I met and married my first husband and 20 when my daughter was born. Threes years later my oldest son was born. We had moved to Minnesota because he had taken a job that would allow me to stay home with the kids. I was away from everyone that I knew including my entire family. He and I grew apart, probably more me from him, and I packed up the kids and moved back to Iowa. I was working, living by myself raising the kids. I had a few relationships here and there but nothing very meaningful and spent every other weekend, when the kids were with their dad, sitting in a bar somewhere drinking. I then met my second husband. We started dating, shortly after, we moved in together and I became pregnant with my third child.
During this time my family realized that my father was dying. We knew he had cancer for approximately a year. I loved my dad. I loved him but I didn't really trust him. I had watched him over the years get so drunk that he would scream, yell, throw stuff, break stuff, verbally abuse us (weather he meant to or not), even drive drunk with all of us in the car. I recall a few times that he called me some nasty names in a drunken stupor. How does one trust someone who says they love you, yet does hurtful things to them? That is why my children NEVER saw me drinking and I NEVER kept alcohol in my home. Still to this day I try and keep them away from it as much as I can. I remember several times begging my Mom to leave him but she never did.
So, I am three months pregnant with my third child when my Dad lives out his last days here with us. It was the day before my birthday, I sat beside him and held his hand. I told him that it was okay to go if he wanted to that my brothers and I would take care of mom when he was gone. I also forgave him for a lot of things and reassured him that I knew why he did them. That day was the last day I talked to my Dad, he died on July 2nd, the day after my birthday. I know my Dad loved us and he did it the only way he knew how.
A year after my third son was born my second husband and I married. It was an extremely unhealthy relationship. We fought a lot and within earshot of the kids. He was verbally abusive and somewhat controlling. I realized that he wasn't giving up drugs like he had promised so, I once again, pack up the kids and leave. I got my own place with the kids and worked to maintain things.
It had been a year since my Dad passed away and I just felt the emptiness inside of me even more than before. A friend of mine just kept talking about her church and how wonderful it was and invited me to go. I didn't have anything to loose. So, after a long night of partying I went to church for the first time. I will NEVER forget the feeling I got when I walked through those doors! It was an overwhelming sense of peace, acceptance and love. The night before was the last night that I would drink in four years.
My second husband started going to the same church, was saved,promised that he had given up drugs and that we were the most important thing to him. We reconciled, he moved back in and I became pregnant with my fourth child. He started to act strangely making me suspicious. Long story short, he was using again and I caught him. I then kicked him out and filed a no contact order. I finished the final three months of my pregnancy on my own and he was not able to be present at his birth.
I spent approximately the next year as a single mother, no boyfriends. Just me, my four children, church and my church family. I had NO desire to date or trust another man again! I was quite content with how my life was going. I was happy, no alcohol, no drugs, no fighting...life was good. Besides there wouldn't be anybody out there that would be interested in a single mother of four children that had been divorced twice by the age of 31. I had no idea that life was about to be wonderful.
I met CJ. Finally after all these years I had been blessed to find someone that will listen and hear me, love me for me, love my kids, comfort me when I need it, defend me if someone has something negative to say and be there for me, everything a partner should be. I didn't find him on my own though, God put us in each other's lives and I am so glad that he did! We have been blessed with a baby girl, we were recently married and we look forward to an amazing and blessed future together as a family. My kids and I are living proof that God is good!!!! God fills ALL voids in life, nothing else. There are lots of QUICK fixes out there, but God IS the one that will fix things long term.
I hope this hasn't bored anyone and I'm sorry it was so long. I'm kind of a long winded person. If you managed to read the entire thing, thanks! :-)